Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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