pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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