Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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