Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
