The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is that strawberry winking at me??
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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