It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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