Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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