It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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