Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
