I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
