Where is the hickey?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
