I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
