is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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