Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
