The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
