Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
