I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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