There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
