That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
