the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
