I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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