she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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