just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
either way he was missing a nipple.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
