..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
