I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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