Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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