and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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