Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
