Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
