So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
