Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
