Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
