so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
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