This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
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