Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
