she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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