I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
