i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
