I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
