Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
