i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
