I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
