I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
