Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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