We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
