Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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