Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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