is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
