she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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