Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
