I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
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