Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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